Some of us are looking for a ceremony that is specific to one religion, while others need to blend different faiths and beliefs. And some of us want a ceremony that is not religious-based at all. No matter the type of ceremony you seek for your perfect day, here are some helpful tips when creating the perfect ceremony words, and working with a wedding officiant.
1. As a couple, decide what type of ceremony you want, including the level of and type of religious references and rituals before you hire an officiant.
2. If you want to be married in a religious house of worship, check with the officiant to see if they have specific guidelines or a script that you must follow in order to be married there.
3. Find out if the officiant or house of worship requires counseling, a retreat or classes ahead of time. If so, find out the cost and arrange these well in advance of the wedding.
4. If a prayer is to be said during the ceremony, will the officiant make it up on the spot, or are you more comfortable creating specific words for the prayer together ahead of time?
5. Ask your officiant for some sample ceremony words to help you get started. Add and delete from the samples based on what is meaningful for you. Do you want candlighting? Music? Other rituals? Determine how traditional or unique you want the ceremony to be.
6. Speakers, singers and others who you want as part of the ceremony should be run by the officiant, especially if you want a friend to say a prayer or read from a religious text.
7. Will your officiant type out the ceremony for you, or will you or your coordinator do so? Arrange this in advance and review all of the words before your rehearsal.
8. Do you want the officiant at the rehearsal? Be sure to book your rehearsal date and time well in advance with the officiant, and check to see if there is an additional fee for the officiant to come.
9. If you have a wedding coordinator, ask the coordinator to speak with the officiant ahead of time to review the ceremony.
10. Be sure to sign all contracts and make payments on time with the officiant. If traveling beyond the officiant’s city of residence, a mileage fee may be required. Although tipping is not expected, it is a very nice gesture, especially if the ceremony or rehearsal go late.
11. If you are looking for an officiant, check on this website, the phone book, your wedding coordinator, or with the place where you are getting married for references.
12. Bring your marriage license with you to the rehearsal or put someone else in charge of bringing it to the wedding so that you don’t need to worry about it. The officiant will get the needed signatures and will mail it in to the county within 10 days (depending on the county).
13. Keep a copy of your ceremony words and put them in your wedding album or scrapbook! Send a thank-you card to the officiant. Refer the officiant to others.
14. What will the officiant wear? Some officiants are flexible regarding wearing religious, traditional or modern attire. Discuss this in advance.
15. Do you want the officiant to be in a formal wedding picture? If so, arrange this ahead of time and make this the first picture your photographer takes so that the officiant may leave. Do you want to invite the officiant to your reception? This is normally not expected, unless the officiant is close to the family.
16. And finally, keep communication open and constant with your officiant! Calendar times to call or email, and confirm the final payment and ceremony words the week before the wedding.
Jennifer Tan is a wedding officiant in the Temecula Valley. She may be reached at: isarts@msn.com
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